broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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