your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
