I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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