Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
