Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
