so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
