when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
