is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
