I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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