How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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