Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
