they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
