Ambien. No doubt about it.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
We just shotgunned beers for America
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
