i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I need water and some morals
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
