Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
