I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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