u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize