Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
All the doctor said was why
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
