woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
