He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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