we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
