Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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