All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
