There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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