My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Randomize
