Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
