Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
