i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
