In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize
