nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
