I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
