She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
