I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
