; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
