Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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