if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
