I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
