Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
