I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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