I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
