btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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