yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
