I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
