if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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