I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
