Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
