We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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