I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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