Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Is Oprah even human
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
