YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
