you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
All the doctor said was why
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
its liver damage thursday
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize