Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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