This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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