I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
