Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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