Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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