I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize