Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
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