Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
