I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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