i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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