i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
time to smoke my breakfast
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
