please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
he had hair everywhere except his balls
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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