Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
