If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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