I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
The air was thick with penises
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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