There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize
