Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I made him laugh his dick is mine
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
