So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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