I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
