I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
