I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
