I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
