I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
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