he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
