You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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