in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize